Jacob's articles
A study conducted by researchers at Johns Hopkins University has found that 85 percent of moms think about how George Clooney’s beard would feel against their cheek. According to the team’s findings, even the most happily married mothers take regular pauses in their days to ponder the 52-year-old actor’s signature stubble.
A big-ass curly fry sold for $38 million this past Saturday at Sotheby’s Auction House in New York. The fry, which was made at Manny’s Snack Shack in Tuscon, Ariz., will be presented on its original paper tray.
Auctioneer Marc Bellester, who holds three degrees in Art History from Princeton, said the fry is unique “because it’s so goddamn big.”
“We’re talking about an exceptional specimen of greasy spoon here,” said Bellester.
According to sources close to the couple, area woman Jennifer Boyd has abandoned her boyfriend of six years, Josh Geckler, to elope with a saxophone riff. Duane, who is an incorporeal series of soul-massaging notes, cast a spell on Boyd when she first heard him at a wine tasting three weeks ago.
Visitors to Turner’s Point, Maine are complaining that the seaside village is just too fucking quaint for its own good. According to tourists, whether one decides to buy lobster at the docks, tour the scrimshaw museum, or take a stroll around the town green, the village’s unaffected charm is guaran-fucking-teed to be a pain in the ass.
A super old man bagging groceries at a local Stop & Shop has been described by customers and employees alike as a major bummer.
Sources were unable to confirm the exact age of the man, who is identified only as Roland by his nametag. Customers speculated that the man was probably way too old to be doing manual labor, citing his slack mouth, and papery skin, and hunched stature.
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