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The Brown Noser

999 of 999 Spots Still Available in Freshman’s Friend Group

Published Friday, December 7th, 2012

Sources confirmed Friday that 999 of 999 spots in freshman Eric Wilder’s friend group remain open after the completion of preregistration for spring semester.

Wilder, a 19-year-old Pennsylvania native, was reportedly disheartened after no one signed up for FRND 0110: “Eric’s Friend Group” for the second consecutive semester.

“I kept it uncapped because I didn’t want anyone to feel excluded,” explained Wilder, “but now I realize I probably should have capped it at 10 or 12, that way people would have been more likely to pre-register for it.”

According to the course’s description on Banner, FRND 0110 is “an introduction to the themes of friendship with special emphasis on freshman Eric Wilder. This course explores Wilder’s hobbies and interests and seeks to provide students with a broad understanding of companionship with him. Prerequisite for FRND 1870: ’Eric’s Best Friend.’”

The introductory course consists of daily discussion-based sections and a four-hour lab every Friday night from 10:00 p.m. to 2:00 a.m. Students are expected to entertain Wilder for the duration of each lab and compose a weekly lab report explaining in a Facebook status how “fucking awesome” the previous evening was.

“So far interest has been minimal, but there’s a chance spots will fill up really fast once shopping period begins next semester," sail Wilder, “but if not I’ll probably consider making it a seminar. Which, I’m totally fine with. Intimate discussion of material is priceless.”

He added, “Making it an independent study is also not out of the question.”

Students can visit Wilder for office hours in his dorm room at any time, as he does not have any friends to ever go out with.

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