Reports indicate that after three years of a monotonous, committed relationship, the nation’s a capella boyfriends announced their plans to dump you via an a capella musical number.

“I know you don’t get it now, but trust, it’s going to be really good,” said the nation’s a capella boyfriends, ushering you to the most heavily trafficked area in school to publicly dump you in front of all your peers. “Me and the boys have been working hard on this number for a while. I think Jacob’s solo really pulls the piece together. He really worked to expand his vocal range to reach some really good baritone notes explaining how I actually found someone else.”

“Honestly, I never imagined us being together so long, like you just kinda were clingy after we hooked up that one time and I didn’t know how to break it off,” continued the nation’s boyfriends, with members of their group occasionally shoo wooping in the background, “I hope you know this is all your fault.”

At time of press, a theater group created plays each semester to seemingly have an excuse to get with everyone in it.

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