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According to local sources, Brown University’s “A Day On College Hill” is luring prospective students into paying $300,000 for an undergraduate education by giving them a free drawstring backpack and coupon for half off any taco at Baja’s Tex Mex Taqueria.
“We’re so excited to welcome students to the Brown community by giving them some free swag and a little taste of the local cuisine," said ADOCH student coordinator Linda Connelly, planning an event literally intended to trick high schoolers into paying hundreds of thousands of dollars for four years of classes that they’ll mostly skip. “These kids should know how much we value them—and their money—so we pulled out all of the stops this year.”
In total, the drawstring backpack and coupon to lower Baja’s are worth about $6, despite students potentially paying $300,000 over the course of four years, or the rest of their life, for attending Brown.
“These polyester bags and discounted tacos will show prospective students that there is truly no better place than Brown," added Connelly, packing coupons into the already-disintegrating drawstring backpacks. "Even more importantly, there is no better place to drop over a quarter-million-dollars than Brown.”
At press time, the University Office for Advancement was tempting alumni into making hefty donations by mailing them cute cardstock calendars of Brown’s scenic campus and nifty ballpoint pens.
