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Let’s be honest here: student debt is unsustainable. If we want to keep our students motivated, our economy healthy, and our lives, we must forgive all student loan debt so that students stop feeling pressured to become assassins.
No matter what they major in, students are flocking to Assassins Guilds across the nation. Why? They feel like they have to enter whatever lucrative profession is available to them to pay off their loans, even if that means undergoing intense stealth and marksmanship training in order to infiltrate government compounds and corporate headquarters to eliminate high-level targets. Future engineers, heads of state, and even artists all are finding themselves strangling stock brokers to death instead of pursuing their dreams.
It’s important to remember that these students didn’t go to school to become assassins. They went to learn skills that would contribute productively to the American economy, yes, but also to follow their passion and to learn to think. College should be about growing as a person, not just a step on the way to killing for money.
It doesn’t stop there. As long as students feel the weight of thousands of dollars of debt, they will continue their contract killing, and no one is safe. Our very governmental and economic system is at risk of collapse. As we push more students to a life of living mark to mark, we risk more contracts being set and acted out on the elite men and women who make this country what it is. As tuition costs continue to rise, so does the tide of blood.
On the other hand, we must not make college seem accessible enough that poor people stop viewing the army as their only option. That’d be terrible.
