Sunday, December 17, 2017
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The Brown Noser

All You Have To Do To Get Noticed In This Stupid Town Is Score A Touchdown. It’s Fucking Twisted.

Published Friday, December 1st, 2017

Everyone in this dumb town has their priorities all wrong. No way the real world is like this. It’s just this stupid town that’s got everything all mixed up. Because all you have to do to get noticed here is score a touchdown. That’s the only way anyone will give a damn about you. It’s fucking twisted.

Everything here is football this, football that. If you’re born within these lousy town lines, you can bet that football’s gonna run your whole damn life. That’s all people care about: whether or not you can put your team on your back and drive into the end zone. That’s the only reason anyone here will care about you. It’s sick.

You score one touchdown and BINGO, you’re set for the rest of your life. You become a king in this town. No one pays attention to anything else: not your grades, not your talents, not how you treat other people. God, it’s so gross how myopic everyone is here. You just need to check one box and you’ll be on the up-and-up. All you gotta do is score that fucking touchdown.

I can’t wait to get out of this place. I’m not made for this football-crazy hellscape. The whole town comes out to watch the high school football games. They pack the stands just so they can see which of these kids is worth their salt, which of these kids can score. I can’t stomach that kind of stuff. Everyone’s value system here is just so friggin twisted.

A word to the wise: turn back now if this isn’t your style. Get out while you can. Because if you don’t get that TD, if you don’t put those six points on the board, there’s no hope for you, kid. Not here at least. Shit, I wish I could go back and tell myself that.

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