Partly Cloudy, 64°
Hail, almost-learned one, for I bear tidings of a great and fortuitous future that awaits thee after that blessed day of thy graduation. The locus of thy potential lies not in Boston, nor in New York, nor even in Los Angeles. No, no, calm thine uncertain mind, for I speak of a promised land far more prosperous than these. Thy soul longs to reside in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania.
There, at the sacred confluence of the mighty Monongahela, Ohio, and Allegheny Rivers, thy life shall change forever. Where hundreds of bridges cross these life-giving waters, so too will thou cross into a new and glorious era of thy life. Dear senior, I cannot begin to enumerate the blessings that await you amidst the beautiful mountains of Pittsburgh. Heed me: Listen and begin to seek thine opportunities there. Thou shalt be greatly rewarded.
Though this cruel world may scorn the thought of Western PA, fear not. Pittsburgh is oft heralded as the most affordable major city in the US, with a vibrant and thriving community amidst a landscape so incredible that thou could not imagine a more perfect home. Shall thy post-grad plans lead thee to grad school, thou may seek admittance to the grand University of Pittsburgh. Shall thee be led to begin work, Pittsburgh offers a wide variety of prominent companies and industries which shall make full use of thy proud Brown University degree. Shall thou seek a glorious period of unemployment, thou shall find innumerable activities to occupy thy time.
Forsooth, I say, the cosmic fates have decreed it, and I encourage thee to follow thy destiny like the great rivers follow the curves of the land. The soul of Pittsburgh is richer and more ancient than thou could ever imagine. Recall the smoky days of the steel mills and the hearty workers that toiled around the clock to produce the steel that built this nation’s cities and railroads. The city breathes cleanly once again, but its mountains and valleys remain steeped in memories of this industrial past, sustained by the lifeblood of the three rivers. These are the ancient forces that beckon thee! The industrious spirits of the mills call thee home!
Hark! I speak unto thee once again: Heed this sacred call. Thy life in Pittsburgh will be long, prosperous, and filled with love. Prepare thy journeys! Seize thy future! Anon, Pittsburgh awaits!
