Saturday, December 3, 2022
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The Brown Noser

Allison Stein

Writer

Allison's articles

Guy With Three Guitars In Dorm Only Plays A Little Bit, Not Really That Much | Oct 31 2022

Junior James Clarkson, who keeps three guitars in his dorm, only plays a little and not actually a ton, he says. “I’m definitely not a big guitar player, but here’s my acoustic guitar. I’ve had it forever, but not, like, super long. I would play for you, but I’m not great.

Professor Tops Off Soul-Crushing Problem Set With Silliest Word Problem Starring Self | Oct 31 2022

Sources report that math professor Clarence Field just wrapped up the most brutal problem set imaginable with a silly little word problem featuring himself. The assignment consisted of nine painful multivariable calculus problems, including one that mathematicians have deemed insolvable, as well as a quirky little autobiographical word problem.

Clever A Capella Group Now Incorporating Instruments To Distinguish Itself | Oct 31 2022

According to campus sources, Brown’s newest a capella group, the Orchestars, has distinguished itself from campus’ many other a cappella groups through playing instruments alongside the classic all-vocal style. The Orchestars’ groundbreaking fall show consisted of a glorious mix of discordant instruments that nearly covered up the group’s vocal harmonies and beat-boxing.

Estate Sale Advertising Gorgeous Antique Bed Frame Great-Grandma Just Died On Last Week | Sep 16 2022

Sophia Nolan, host of a local estate sale, is reportedly advertising the vintage mahogany bed frame where her great-grandmother died just days before. “It’s a really great piece dating back to the fifties,” said Nolan, gesturing to the bed where, forty-eight hours earlier, her great-grandmother clutched her hand and took her last breath.