Partly Cloudy, 64°
Ant farmer Lionel Stevenson is concerned about the increasingly real prospect of a fruitless harvest. Also, the huge human face watching him.
According to Stevenson, this year’s crops have proven to be less than successful. “We planted for months, but nothing will grow,” remarked Stevenson. “It’s like the soil’s no good. Or like it’s not soil, but just sand. Kinda moist sand.”
He added, “That giant face is also really scary.”
Stevenson admits his old-fashioned farming methods may have something to do with the crop shortage. “We pretty much just make a bunch of tunnels and run around in them,” commented Stevenson. “But that’s the way we’ve always farmed in my family. Just ask my brother Dave. Or any of my other several hundred brothers.”
In this time of need, Stevenson’s ant farming community has reached out to the mysterious face for help. “We thought if we all pretended to be dead, the face might understand our plight and lend us some aid.” Stevenson continued, “But instead the giant face just poked our plastic walls until a tunnel collapsed killing a hundred men, women, and children.”
He added, “Needless to say, the plan backfired.”
With a giant face watching his every move, Stevenson can’t help but feel his job as a farmer is somewhat secondary to a greater role he seems to be playing. “I have this sneaking suspicion that I’m part of something bigger than me, bigger than all this,” Stevenson remarked.
“Like some boyhood hobby, some piece of shit novelty toy that some kid will grow tired of and eventually knock over on accident and be like ‘aw man I knocked over the ant farm’ and then vacuum us and that’ll be that.”
Stevenson continued, “but until then I guess I’ll just keep farming this incredibly narrow land between two inexplicable plastic walls. Who knows, maybe some arugula will crop up one of these days.” He added, “God, I hope it’s not arugula. That would really suck.”
