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Representative Steve King (R-Iowa) yesterday delivered a virulently anti-immigrant speech on the Senate floor, virtually guaranteeing that he will one day be forced to resettle in a predominantly Hispanic country in an ironic twist of fate revealing his own inhumanity. Sources agree that this revelation will tragically come too late for King.
“American workers should not be forced to face unfair competition from unskilled immigrants,” said King, who will probably in the future be humiliated by an uncaring bureaucrat with a name like Pablo Escobar or Eduardo Lopez Obrador. “We must act immediately to seal the border before the country is irreparably damaged.” At this point, agree Senate observers, King was just begging for some kind of post-apocalyptic scenario where areas north of the Rio Grande have become uninhabitable, causing a dramatic reversal in the balance of power that will knock King from his position of privilege.
“They don’t even learn the language,” said King, who will most likely at some later date be denied even menial employment at a Tijuana gas station due to his total inability to speak Spanish.
“We all know what happens here,” said immigration specialist and speculative fiction writer Jane Gould. “One minute he’s betraying an incredible lack of empathy, compassion, or humanity as he cruelly exerts his power over desperate foreigners. The next, he’s ploughing a cornfield in the provinces seeing up close the consequences of his dog-eat-dog philosophy. ‘If only I had treated them with love and respect,’ he’ll say. ‘If only I’d recognized that injustice repays itself tenfold.’ There’s basically no way this doesn’t happen.”
Added Gould, “Congress is broken.”
King is known throughout Washington for his brashness and undisguised contempt for immigrants, traits that will no doubt serve him poorly when he is forced to beg, hat in hand, for a living from the very people he once dismissed. He has three children, who chances are will one day teach him the terrible burden of attempting to hold together a family when faced with grim economic prospects and a brutal immigration system. He has in the past compared immigrants to livestock, a remark which will almost definitely come back to haunt him when he is forced to perform backbreaking labor in the fields just to keep his family afloat. The thing basically writes itself, agree Senate observers.
“Fundamentally, illegal immigration is morally repugnant and is never, ever justified,” said King, who is at this point just asking for it. “And there’s nothing that could possibly happen that would change the way I feel about this.”
