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Apple announced today that it would release its latest status symbol in the next month. Tim Cook, the company’s CEO, described the product’s innovative exclusivity in detail at a press conference this morning.
“We are extremely proud to reach this milestone in cutting edge technology,” said Cook, emphasizing the new product’s status-affirming, all-the-cool-kids-have-it design. “Our engineers have developed Apple’s most sustainable, efficient, and impressive invention yet. With innovative, updated features, this new product will redefine the Apple experience,” claimed Cook about a device that most people will purchase primarily to signify their being a member of the tech-savvy bourgeoisie.
Jim Neel, a loyal Apple consumer, greatly anticipates the new product release so that he can still check the weather while simultaneously looking modern and chic. “I have an iMac, an iPhone, and an iPad. I just love all their inventions,” Neel said, unaware that his ownership of these items in addition to an Apple T-shirt suggests no more than a hiply aware techno-futurist façade.
Rita Mendel, a technology blogger who truly believes that owning cool-looking phones and computers can bolster one’s social standing, wrote of the new status symbol: “The design is beautifully sleek, nice to show off to your friends but not too lavish. They really refined this product pixel by pixel, app by app—bravo Apple!” Mendel eagerly awaits the product’s release so she can elevate her position within her status-oriented group of friends.
As of press time, Windows sales soared as customers viewed their products as “below-the-mainstream.”
