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This Wednesday, CBS pulled the plug on area man Robert Kelley, citing a protracted decline in ratings as the reason for the 35-year-old dog walker’s mid-season cancellation.
“CBS is sad to confirm that this season of Robert Kelley will be his last,” the network announced in a statement issued Wednesday night. “We greatly appreciate what Robert Kelley brought to CBS Friday nights, and would like to thank Kelley’s co-creators and parents, Garret and Allison Kelley, for their tremendous work on what has been a truly phenomenal 35-season run. He will be missed.”
Despite a relatively strong ratings showing since its premiere in 1977, the latest season of Robert Kelley suffered a considerable loss of viewership in the 18-49 female demographic following the season’s opener.
“Women just weren’t watching him,” remarked co-executive producer and Kelley’s best friend, Paul Gechner. “We’re all pretty sure it’s because of the 12 pounds he gained between the 34th and 35th seasons, but the subplots where he started brewing his own beer and living in his uncle’s guest house definitely didn’t help.”
He added, “And then they switched us to Friday night.”
The network’s decision to move Kelley, a pescetarian and registered democrat, from Mondays at 9 p.m. to Fridays at 10 seems to have also contributed to his dip in ratings. Nonetheless, network CEO, Les Moonves, stands behind the controversial decision.
“Kelley did well in that Monday slot for 20 years,” said Moonves, who stabbed Kelley six times in the back earlier this week, making the cancellation official. “But we had to move him to Friday to make room for a procedural about a prescription drug-addicted real estate agent named Claudia Goodman. Bruckheimer’s producing.”
Allison Kelley seems to have taken the news of the cancellation to heart. “When you work on something so much, it becomes a part of you,” she remarked. “I mean, Kelley was my baby.”
She added, “Actually though. He was literally my son.”
“It’s sad to see Robert go, but after 35 years, you get tired of working with the same old son,” said George Kelley. “I think it’ll be nice to take on a new project. We’re already in talks to adopt this Nepalese kid for NBC, and it sounds like it could be a lot of fun.”
