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The Brown Noser

Area Man Claims Jewish Heritage To Orthodox Solicitors In Hopes Of Getting Cool Reed

Published Friday, March 6th, 2020

While walking down Thayer Street on Tuesday, area man Bill O’Malley responded affirmatively to the question of whether he was Jewish in an effort to get an Orthodox solicitor’s cool reed.

“Usually I ignore people coming up to me on Thayer Street, but man, that reed looked cool,” O’Malley said, recalling the awesome bundle of date palm leaves he was offered. “I was hoping they’d let me hold the reed if I said yes, and they totally did.”

“It wasn’t just a reed, too, it had these other neat branches tied to it,” O’Malley continued, describing his encounter with the Lulav on the Jewish holiday of Sukkot. “But the reed was still my favorite.”

“They also gave me this nifty lemon thing, and I was like, sign me up.”

At press time, O’Malley feigned interest in becoming a Jehovah’s Witness in order to get some nice glossy pamphlets.

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