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Providence local Max Foster has reportedly made the switch to the new iPhone 5s this Wednesday, hoping that maybe now someone will finally text him back.
“My friends haven’t really been responding to my texts lately,” said Foster. “I figured it must be some problem with my phone, so I went out and got the new iPhone. Can’t wait for the texts to start rolling in.”
Foster expressed enthusiasm for many of the new features of iOS 7 and the iPhone 5s. “I’m really excited for the new graphics, the thumbprint scanner, and also for the fact that now people will totally want to talk to me,” said Foster. “Looks like I’ve finally solved all those personal problems I used to have.”
Ultimately, said Foster, it all comes down to lifestyle. “I’ve been separated from my friends, my coworkers, even my family by a wall of outdated technology,” he said. “Thankfully, that’s all in the past now.”
As of press time, Foster was speculating that sometimes reception can be a little wonky around the office and really there’s no cause for concern.
