After deciding to have lunch outside on a sunny day, area man Brian Hepple resigned himself to the humiliation of eating a big sandwich in public. “Well, I guess this is what’s happening now,” said Hepple, unwrapping a deli sandwich that was, unfortunately, even bigger and less structurally sound than he had realized. “I brought this upon myself when I ordered the ‘King Turkey Supreme,’ and I am going to suffer the consequences. At least no one I know is—fuck, it’s Jorge from work, a few benches down. And he’s writing in his journal, while I’m eating an enormous sandwich. God, I was so, so foolish.” At press time, a giant glob of toppings spilled out of the sandwich as Hepple took his first bite.

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