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The Brown Noser

Area Man Resorts To Toilet Paper After Running Out Of Brown Daily Herald

Published Friday, March 6th, 2020

Sources report that area man Kent Wilson was forced to use toilet paper this Tuesday after running out of copies of the Brown Daily Herald.

“I was in a tough spot,” Wilson said, remembering the difficult situation he found himself in. “Midway through, I’m looking around the stall — not a Herald in sight. So I thought, what the hell, no one’s around, I’ll just use this toilet paper.”

“It wasn’t ideal,” Wilson admitted. “I mean, The BDH is just so dense. You can really feel the difference between 2-ply and 12-ply.”

“What I don’t get is why they keep The Herald out by the newspaper stands. If they had just stored it in the bathroom where it’s supposed to be, I wouldn’t have had this problem.”

At press time, Wilson was seen exiting the bathroom with a scrap of The Herald stuck to his shoe.

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