Area man Pand Green unsuccessfully smiled at an area baby Friday morning, eyewitnesses reported.
“There was this cute baby stomping around in the grass,” Green recounted, pointing to a nearby patch of grass. “I decided to smile at the baby, and it was like I had pointed a gun at them or something. Instantly started crying. Do I look that bad?”
“The kid’s dad came over and picked them up,” Green continued. “Luckily he didn’t realize what had happened or else maybe I’d be in trouble for making the kid cry. Does that happen?”
“It was about to be this nice moment,” Green stated. “But something just got lost in translation. Maybe I was doing something weird with my teeth. Or my lips. Was I just baring my teeth at a child like a baboon?”
At press time, Green was using his phone’s front-facing camera to test out different smiles.