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Whoomp, there it is. Local authorities confirmed this Wednesday that area man Douglas Berg is on a fucking roll.
According to police officials, Berg has been on a roll since Sunday, when he consecutively guessed several correct answers while watching a rerun of the television game show “Who Wants To Be A Millionaire.” In the following days, Berg has reportedly been on fire, like literally tearing it up right now, uh-thank you very much.
In an affront to local law enforcement, Berg appears to have ignored all cease and desist warnings issued by police, stating only that he “can’t stop, won’t stop, boom boom shakalakalaka boom.”
“Berg is indeed at large and may pose a threat to society,” warned Providence Police Chief Bryan Cantor at a press conference held immediately following several reports that Berg had been spotted in the area repeatedly asking pedestrians, “Who da man? Who da man?”
“Once again, if this man approaches you and says ‘up top,’ do not give him a high five,” Chief Cantor stressed to local residents. “For now, the best thing we can do is just wait it out, and hope that he eventually stops singing ’Can’t Touch This’ while doing that stupid moonwalk dance thing.”
