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Area middle schooler Jenny Hyder is announcing “Ewww! Never!” after being asked if she would date her crush of seven years.
“Me? Dating Kyle? Pshh, ew, no way. Never going to happen,” said Hyder, staring dreamily at Kyle’s new haircut, which is her favorite cut since the one he had in sixth grade. “We’re just friends. Like, he and I? Nuh uh. I would rather date like, anyone else.”
“Ew, I can’t believe you would even suggest that. Kyle Lowski?” she asked, imagining the sound of her first name with his last name for the third time this week. “I can’t even imagine. Yuck. Never in a million years.”
“That would never work. He has like, a lot of practices because he plays shortstop for his travel baseball team, and it would never work with my softball schedule,” said Hyder remembering the photo of him in his uniform from 4 weeks ago that she revisited this morning. “And he lives on Pinehurst St., which is like, a 22 minute drive from my house, er, probably maybe even farther, I don’t know, but it is super far, and there are just like a million reasons that I would never date him, and that would never work. Because yuck. Never.”
At press time, an elementary school boy was telling his crush he likes her by punching her.
