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The Brown Noser

Area Woman Saving Getting Really Into Joni Mitchell For Next Emotional Breakdown

Published Friday, October 25th, 2019

Carefully weighing her emotional needs, area woman Gabi Lewis decided recently to save getting super into Joni Mitchell for her next emotional breakdown, rather than wasting it on her current one.

“I thought that now might be the time,” Lewis remarked, noting that her recent breakup could be taken as a cue to listen to nothing but Blue for three months straight. “But after some careful consideration, I’ve realized that I should definitely save this phase of my life for getting fired from my dream job, or something of that caliber at least.”

Crafting a playlist of songs from Ladies of the Canyon and Hejira to be put to work at a later time, Lewis accepted that the delicate vocals and off-beat guitar stylings of Mitchell, in tandem with her heartbreaking yet empowering lyrics, will be best applied at a time in her life when she’s going through something really, really bad.

“I don’t plan to take this phase of my life lightly,” Lewis continued, stressing that the power of getting super into Joni Mitchell declines considerably after the first go-around. “I’m going to need this later for sure, so I’ll keep it in my back pocket for a while. Nothing cures a person of emotional turmoil like a deep, obsessive dive in the music of Joni—I can’t just throw that around. I’m trying to plan ahead here.”

At press time, Lewis was tiding herself over by getting really into Adele.

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