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The Brown Noser

Area Woman Still Weirdly Into John Green Novels

Published Friday, April 20th, 2018

Revealing that Looking for Alaska had provided the inspiration for her manic pixie dream girl personality traits, area woman Sarah Byers admitted Wednesday that she is still weirdly into John Green novels.

“I would say these books were my middle school sexual awakening,” Byers told reporters Wednesday in anticipation of the author’s next predictable novel, which will feature a woman that beckons a quirky but straight-laced teenager into a midnight adventure that will leave him forever changed.

“They’re really well-written novels,” Byers continued, looking past the fact that the female characters never really develop until they meet a sarcastic young man with a crooked smile who wants to save them.

“It’s kind of weird she’s still into those YA books,” said one friend who had stopped reading Green’s novels after his 2012 bestseller-turned-blockbuster The Fault in Our Stars depressed the hell out of everyone. "They’re fine books for high schoolers to like but she should’ve moved on by now. At least to Nicholas Sparks.”

“I tried to explain to her that the books are pretty bad," continued her friend. “I mean the characters don’t even act like teenagers. They’re more like first-year students in an Ivy League MFA program. And names like Margo Roth Speigalman and Augustus Waters are truly unrealistic names. I don’t get what she sees in them.”

At press time, Byers was weirdly fine with the fact that she continues to read books by a 40-year-old man who writes about sex scenes between teenagers.

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