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The Brown Noser

Armani Announces First Ever Plus-Size Model They Will Photoshop To Look Incredibly Skinny

Published Friday, March 11th, 2016

In a groundbreaking statement, popular fashion house Armani announced they had added Janice Smith, their first ever plus-size model, to their spring lineup. Smith is scheduled to be photoshopped to look incredibly skinny and appear on magazine covers by March.

“It’s about time we had a plus-size model,” said a spokesperson for Armani, adding that they were happy to comply with the market forces that now demanded they take this type of action. “The new Adobe Creative Suite just came out. Once we Photoshop Smith to look really skinny and put a bit of sharpness around her cheekbones, she’ll be practically picture perfect.”

Designer Giorgio Armani himself seems to have had a large part to play in the decision. “Look, I have a daughter,” he said. “I want little girls to know that they have nothing to fear or be insecure about, because we can always digitally manipulate the images of them so they look skinny.”

Smith explained that getting booked to Armani was a tiring and emotional journey. “I experienced a lot of rejection in the beginning,” she explained. “I hope my story can inspire young girls everywhere to keep persevering until the world figures out a way it can conform their images to societal standards.”

“Armani’s taking a bold step forward,” said fashion commentator Mark Granger. “It’s always really lovely to see something new in the lineups. I have no doubt that the company’s graphics editors will do an excellent job as per usual.”

“I’ve naturally got a very skinny frame, so it was a bit strange when I saw how Photoshopped I was on my first cover,” veteran model Elli Richardson recalls. “But now it’s exhilarating to try and guess what body part the photo editors will go for next. Janice is going to have so much fun when she first sees herself in print, as long as she doesn’t think it’s someone else entirely.”

“This decision beckons in a new era of diversity for this industry,” said the company spokesman. “We’re lucky to have Janice. And state-of-the-art graphics cards.”

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