This past week, sources reported that art student William Marino’s jokes about being unemployable are getting increasingly sincere.

“At first, Will’s jokes were funny,” said Marino’s friend Alice Kaufman. “He’d chuckle and say things like, ‘I’m majoring in living in my car,’ and it would crack everyone up. But it doesn’t seem like he’s joking anymore."

Kaufman and others first noticed the change at the start of Marino’s senior year. “On the first day of classes, a VISA professor asked him if he had any prospects lined up for after college, and he just stared at her for a really long time,” she recalled. “Then he said, ‘Oh, probably become a stripper,’ and let out a forced giggle.”

“It was like his mouth was smiling, but his eyes were screaming,” Kaufman said. “And when I asked what he’d be doing after graduation, he just said ‘praying.’”

At press time, Marino was seen begging a CS concentrator to teach him Microsoft Excel.

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