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The Brown Noser

Astronaut Only In It For Floaty Water Globules

Published Friday, October 27th, 2023

According to Astronaut Mike Danford, he only made it to space so he could play with those little floaty water globules.

“I love those damn things, I did it all for them,” said Danford, even though he had to go through nearly a decade of training and schooling to get to where he is today. “It was worth every moment. Those little fuckin’ globs of floating water, man, they’re incredible. I don’t even look out the windows. I just do my job, and play with little floaty blobs of water.”

“I haven’t seen my family in two and a half years,” said Danford, smiling as he split a water bubble into two separate droplets of floating water. “But who cares, I’ve got all the family I need right here, with my water globules. They never lie, or cheat, or talk back. They just aimlessly float through the air, waiting for me suck them up with my long straw. This life, it’s everything I could’ve asked for.”

At press time, Danford said he only enjoys working on his computer because he can leave it hanging in space from time to time.

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