Sources report that local Aunt Ada Dickens has gotten a dog, but it’s not one of the cute ones. “When I heard Auntie Ada got a new dog, I was pretty excited,” explained nephew Pete Monroe, expressing frustration that his Aunt had for some reason opted for a dinky breed with beady eyes, gangly legs, and a baseball-sized head. “She really could have gone with a labrador or a corgi, but nope, she went with one of the little, unpleasant ones.” At press time, the ugly little creature would just not stop yipping.

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