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The Brown Noser

Band Definitely Not Good Enough To Be Destroying Their Instruments

Published Tuesday, October 6th, 2015

Local concertgoers reported that punk rock band Steel Fist is definitely not at the level of talent or fame to be destroying their instruments right now.

“I thought their set was okay, but was really thrown when the drummer started smashing his kit,” said concert attendee Josh Borowitz, noting that the band could maybe get away with angrily knocking a mic stand over, but not much more. “I thought it was an accident at first, but then the lead singer swung his guitar right into the stage!"

“I listened to Steel Fist’s debut album—meh," said concertgoer Christy Keller, adding that she was only at the show because it was free and her boyfriend wanted to go. "But I couldn’t believe it when the pianist lit his keyboard on fire and was just downhill from there. I just don’t know how they see themselves if they really think it’s appropriate for them to chop up their bass guitar with a machete.”

“It took a really long time, too,” added Keller.

Audience members made clear that the tepid cheers for an encore were just to be polite, and not an invitation for Steel Fist to begin violently dismembering their instruments.

“I would have been happy with a simple drum stick break,” said attendee Max Barsky, “but I thought it was way too much when the drummer punched a hole in the bass drum, screamed, and kicked it off stage."

Audience members agreed that a solid hit single that everyone knew would warrant a single guitar smash, while an album of the year would allow a band to completely annihilate its instruments, amplifiers, and entire stage set, preferably with pyrotechnics.

At press time, the members of Steel Fist were desperately trying to repair their instruments to prepare for their next show.

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