Thursday, July 20, 2017
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The Brown Noser

Barnes & Noble CEO Offering To Drive Anyone Who’s Willing To Buy A Book To A Store

Published Friday, April 21st, 2017

In an attempt to increase sales amid increasing competition from online vendors, Barnes & Noble CEO Leonard Riggio announced last week that he will drive anyone who would buy a book to a local Barnes & Noble store.

“I’m excited to announce this bold new initiative that will help this company take back the book-buying market from online vendors,” Mr. Riggio told reporters in a press conference Wednesday morning. “This will put Barnes & Noble back on top.”

On Wednesday afternoon, the company released television advertisements featuring Mr. Riggio in his 1995 Corvette and gave out his cell phone number to the media.

“Want books? I can drive you,” Mr. Riggio reportedly tells the camera before accelerating towards a Barnes & Noble store.

“We expect the company to sell tens of more books with Mr. Riggio driving potential customers to the door,” said CFO Alan Lindstrom. “This certainly will shake things up in the industry.”

When reached for comment, the rest of the administrative team was calling individual costumers and asking them to consider browsing in a local store.

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