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Sources at the Ittleson Quad and the Main Green report that the beefcake bear statue outside the Athletics Center and the puny bear on the Main Green showcase the physical superiority of student athletes.
“It’s really quite beautiful how the sculptors managed to hide such a profound message in plain sight,” admired Art History concentrator Betty Graham ‘25, analyzing how the Ittleson Bear had been carefully chiseled to highlight that the athletes have larger muscles. “According to my research on the student-athletes’ traditions, their people looked to the statue as a physical manifestation of their supremacy over NARPs.”
At press time, the fountain bear catching a fish outside the Faculty Club offered a nuanced narrative on those stuffing their faces inside the club.
