Unsure of whether to be frustrated or ashamed, area man Don Garfield came to the realization Tuesday that his belt did not fit this time, even though it most definitely fit last time. “I thought it would fit this time, you know? Because it fit last time,” said a distraught Garfield, commenting with his trousers at his ankles because his belt did not, in fact, fit at that moment. “I guess you can’t take anything for granted these days.” At press time, Garfield was being escorted out of the belt section at Old Navy for failing to keep his pants at a respectable height.

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