In a statement from the Oval Office Wednesday, newly inaugurated President Joe Biden called for at least one new Iraq War-level conflict to heal the nation
“Now is the time for us to heal as a nation, to see one another as people again,” Biden said in a televised address to the country, wearing a purple necktie as a symbol of bipartisanship. “That’s why I’m proud to re-entangle us in another brutal, never-ending foreign occupation that transparently upholds the violence of empire.”
“Over the last four years I watched America lose its soul, especially in Charlottesville and the Capitol as white supremacists committed heinous acts of violence on US soil," Biden stated gravely. "Instead of being done on foreign soil, as is customary for our great nation.”
At press time, Biden was starting a bipartisan effort alongside the intelligence community to fabricate evidence of foreign WMDs in a touching tribute to a kinder, gentler Republican president of old.