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According to sources, the biker gang driving down Thayer is actually going somewhere really important.
“God, they’re so fucking loud and annoying,” complained sophomore Pete DeLuca, unaware that the leather-clad motorcyclist driving past was actually rushing to the hospital to see his dying mother one last time. “They think they’re the shit, but literally everyone hates them.”
“I think the police should get involved. They’re causing a public disturbance,” DeLuca continued, oblivious to the fact that the passing biker was late to his daughter’s high school graduation. “Not to mention, they’re a public safety hazard. The other day, one of them almost ran me over!”
At press time, the loud construction outside DeLuca’s window at 5 AM was actually completely necessary.
