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The Brown Noser

Biology Professor Not Such an Expert in Life Sciences Now That He Dead

Published Friday, April 19th, 2019

Sources reported Friday that area biology professor Algernon Clay isn’t such an expert in life sciences now that he’s dead.

“Algernon spent his entire career working diligently to unravel the mysteries of life in all its forms,” said colleague Patricia Ontkean. “Not so sure he was the right guy for the job, because now he’s dead!”

“Although his work in New Zealand was considered groundbreaking and he’s written several classic textbooks, being dead kind of ruins your credibility as an authority in life science.”

Students also questioned Clay’s knowledge.

“Professor Clay always seemed to know and care so much about his work,” Biology concentrator Olivia Horton ’21 said. “But now that he’s dead I don’t know if I can really respect anything he said about the life sciences.”

At press time, Clay’s students were considering dropping his class.

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