Partly Cloudy, 64°
In an effort to expand the local bird community, city officials recently knocked down a 10-inch wooden bird house, intending to erect a new bird mall in its place. A report from the urban planning committee stated that the bird mall will contain 20 bird stores and a mixed-use bird feeder food court. “The possibilities for this bird mall are very exciting,” chirped the bird mall project manager.
The previous occupants of the demolished bird house flew to a nearby birdbath and are currently considering their options. “It wasn’t just a bird house, it was our bird home,” chirped one displaced resident. Cheeped another, “I have a wife and two hatchlings to feed, but how can I put worms on the table when I have no table?”
City officials have expressed sympathy for the bird families, but firmly insist that the new bird mall will create desperately needed jobs and stimulate the floundering bird economy. “If we don’t create a thriving downtown, our best-educated birds might start flying south for the winter,” they warbled.
Although the bird city council has offered to relocate the former bird house residents to temporary nesting on the other side of the tree, some displaced birds are not ready to give up the fight. “Relocation is a temporary solution to a much larger issue," cheeped a bird rights activist. “There is a shortage of open branch space as is, and this bird mall will only make the community more congested.”
Protestors have begun to congregate at the demolition site, demanding termination of the bird mall project. “This bird mall threatens small bird family businesses in the lower branches and will only assist larger corporate bird interests in homogenizing our beautifully diverse bird community," tweeted one bird. "We won’t just perch and let Bird Business flap all over us!”
Despite considerable community support for the bird protesters’ cause, the bird mall committee has denied their appeals, announcing early yesterday morning that construction on the bird mall is set to begin next Monday. “It’s a bird-eat-bird world out there," chirped the bird mall construction manager, “That’s just what birds do. Sometimes birds eat other birds.”
