Sunday, September 25, 2022
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The Brown Noser

Blue Room Croissonts Are Nothing Like Ze Ones In Paree Hon Hon Hon by Recently Returned Abroad Student

Published Friday, September 16th, 2022

Croissants at the Blue Room? Hah! This is, how you say, to-tal gar-bahj! They are nothing like ze ones in Paree hon hon hon.

Back in beautiful Paree, Alpine goat butter was baked into the dough, creating flaky perfection. Mon Dieu! All the ingredients were, how you say, na-chu-raal, so you can eat as many as you like without putting on weight. All of the croissants in the Blue Room are mass-produced. And you Américans wonder why you are all so fat…

Yes, I was born in ze Bay Area and I spent my childhood there, but my true home is in France. Zerefore, I must defend the food of my motherland against disgraceful attempts at copies.

Feel free to enjoy whatever amateur attempt at a pastry the Blue Room will offer you. Oweverair, you should know that the slop that you consume is not worthy of the rich tradition founded in French boulangeries.

Vive la France et vive Monsieur lecroissant!

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