Tuesday, December 18, 2018
Partly Cloudy icon Partly Cloudy, 64°

The Brown Noser

‘Blueno’ Revealed to Be Some Sort of Failed Trojan Horse After Suffocated Bodies Found Inside

Published Friday, December 1st, 2017

Upon facilities management’s discovery of twelve bloated, rotting corpses inside the main cavern of Untitled (Lamp/Bear), it became clear that “Blueno” was some sort of failed Trojan Horse.

“I heard a strangled cry when I was cleaning the windows of Ashamu,” facilities employee Jack McKerrick said. “It turned out to be the final breath of one of the twelve bodies inside. It was really more of a weeping, breathless surrender, which makes sense since these people must have been stuck hiding in there ever since the statue got here two years ago.”

After reporting the incident, facilities employees opened the sculpture’s rear, and discovered twelve human bodies all in different states of decay. Sources report there were significant signs of cannibalism.

This is a shocking revelation for a sculpture with a controversial history. On the other side of the statue’s whimsical, bronze shell, twelve people were slowly suffocating, dying, and feeding off each other in a last chance effort at survival.

It remains unclear why these people were sneaking onto Brown’s campus inside the sculpture. Plans are underway to investigate the sculpture’s yellow counterpart in New York City in hopes for additional clues. Urs Fischer could not be reached for comment.

Article tools

Search The Brown Noser

  • Loading…