Upon facilities management’s discovery of twelve bloated, rotting corpses inside the main cavern of Untitled (Lamp/Bear), it became clear that “Blueno” was some sort of failed Trojan Horse.
“I heard a strangled cry when I was cleaning the windows of Ashamu,” facilities employee Jack McKerrick said.
While home for Thanksgiving break, Joshua Carlson discovered all the water bottles in his room were filled with vodka, sources confirm. Carlson completely forgot, but is definitely responsible.
“I got a jacket out of my closet and saw about twenty water bottles on the floor.
At a recent press briefing, Scott Pruitt, Administrator of the Environmental Protection Agency, announced that the climate never believed in him, so he won’t be acknowledging the climate any time soon.
“When I was a kid," Pruitt lamented, "I wanted a White Christmas and I never got it.
WAASSSUPPP BABYGI—Oh my gosh, I am so, so sorry. I thought you were my friend, Rebecca. Do you know her, Rebecca Thompkins? I swear she has the same purple jacket as you. If you knew her, you’d totally understand why I made the mistake. This is so embarrassing.
Explaining at a press conference that modern men desire more grit and violence on their cleaning products, representatives from Unilever announced that Dove Men+Care is rebranding into Bloodthirsty Hawk for Men.
The product launch began with a series of sequential slides reading, “NOT A DOVE.
Area resident Trent Walker is expressing a new side of his personality through unusual, flashy socks, sources report.
“My friends have noticed a change in me recently,” Walker observed. “My socks are different than most people’s socks. I’m different.”
Walker believes his unconventional socks allow him to explore his own identity more freely, and he has made some shocking self-discoveries.