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The Brown Noser

Boat Guy Fantasizes Tsunami Plan

Published Friday, May 3rd, 2024

Local boat guy, Tim Dunston, reports that he often fantasizes about his emergency tsunami plan.

“They say the first sign of a tsunami is always an earthquake. Now, you bet the second I feel that ground rumbling I’m jumping right into this sexy 2008 Sea Ray Sundancer,” said Dunston, slapping the hull of his small fishing skiff that is supposed to withstand 550-miles-per-hour rushing water. “The Codfather here’s got one helluva stern drive engine that’ll rival any power that mega-wave throws at her.”

“Say the wave was coming at my starboard,” continued Dunston, miming out how he’d confront 1,500 pounds per second of water crashing toward his boat trailer parked in his driveway. “My two-cylinder Mercury motor has about 120 pounds of torque. This baby has a turning radius no tsunami has ever seen!”

“Her bow’s got a whole new layer of Carnauba wax, so once the water comes crashing in, this baby will glide like butter along with it,” continued Dunston, reveling in just how prepared he would be if a wave of mass destruction and death were to hit his small lake town. “My buddy up the road has also got a sweet 2002 Yamaha Sport. Once the tsunami hits, we’re gonna coast it out together. Crack open a few beers. Catch some tsunami fish.”

At press time, a local snowmobile guy dreams of an avalanche.

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