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In a demoralizing report out of the Nelson last week, boobs everywhere were no match for the almighty sports bra.
“I started out as a D-cup, now I look like Flat Stanley,” lamented junior Sarah Piccone as she observed her poor boobs in her straight jacket-like sports bra. “Sure, they aren’t hitting me in the face whenever I go up or down stairs, but at what cost?”
“It’s not even a visual thing,” Piccone continued as she fought hard against the chafing band of her impossibly pressurized bra. “It’s just the sense of defeat that gets you. I mean, they didn’t even stand a chance.”
“I feel like I put my girls in prison without so much as a warning,” Piccone said as her boobs flattened against her ribcage as if she had been crushed by a boulder. “It’s a tough internal battle I face every single time I wanna work out.”
At press time, eye contact was no match for boobs.
