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Sixty-eight-year-old Ernest Bluebonnet was outraged this past Sunday when he discovered that his washing machine had two separate settings for ‘Whites’ and ‘Normal.’
“How dare they tell me what settings I can and can’t use just because of my race! White people are so oppressed these days,” said Bluebonnet, blissfully unaware of both washing machine operation and systemic racism. “I just don’t know how much more of this DEI chicanery I can take. First, they come for my single-use lead-lined straws, and now this! It’s like they hate me just for existing…”
“We used to have morals in this country,” Bluebonnet continued, standing in front of the house he built in 1975 on top of a demolished Native American orphanage. “These liberals are gonna learn that you can’t just waltz into a man’s home and indoctrinate his appliances without suffering the consequences!”
At press time, Bluebonnet was double-checking the buttons on his TV remote to make sure the woke mob hadn’t replaced the menu with a womenu.
