Friday, November 15, 2019
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The Brown Noser

Bored Firefighter Secretly Hopes For A Little Arson Today

Published Friday, October 25th, 2019

After a remarkable lack of fire-related emergencies in the city this week, firefighter Gary Gerstle is secretly hoping for a little arson today.

“It can get real slow around here, you know?” Gerstle said, glancing longingly at a fire extinguisher across the room. “The fellas and I, we play a little darts, we practice sliding down the pole, but it can get real slow… makes you almost wish someone would sorta… light stuff up a bit.”

“And I’m not asking for anything big,” Gerstle continued, triple-checking that his big fireman’s hat was in the same place he had left it last night. “I don’t want anyone to get hurt. I just want a reason to jump in the truck and ride downtown and spray the hose at something. Anything, really. I just really want to spray the hose.”

At press time, Gerstle was shining a magnifying glass at the Sun just to see what would happen.

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