As University operations approach some level of normalcy thanks to the coronavirus vaccines, Brown’s senior administration expressed excitement to welcome so many streams of revenue back to campus.
“After a year and a half of a campus that felt so unfamiliar to us, it brings me great joy to see the return of the cash flow that makes Brown such a vital place,” said Provost Richard Locke, grateful that safe and effective vaccines have allowed the University to rake in pre-pandemic levels of dough. “I know I speak for the entire administration when I say that I’m thrilled to hear that sweet cha-ching resounding through College Hill once again.”
“Brown depends on the diversity of its sources of profit, which have shown great resilience despite these difficult circumstances,” Locke continued, noting that he has been humbled to watch the University continue to serve as a vibrant hub for the exchange of capital throughout the pandemic. “But I’m so glad that a large number of our revenue streams are back in full swing this semester. I want to extend a warm welcome to all the tuition deposits, room and board fees, and bookstore payments that have returned to Brown’s coffers. You’ve been sorely missed.”
At press time, the Admissions Office was delighted to resume in-person nepotism.