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The Brown Noser

Broken Record Doesn’t Love All The Unflattering Comparisons, Actually

Published Friday, April 14th, 2023

Local record Abbey Road by The Beatles, was reportedly quoted earlier today as saying that it was “actually pretty offended” at repeated comparisons to your mother, father, and middle school English teacher.

“It’s cool, it’s whatever," said Road after listening to you complaining to your roommate about your mom nagging you to call your aunt. “I just don’t really think it was a nice thing to say. Imagine if I was like, oh you remind me of someone super annoying. Like, that would be rude. I wouldn’t do that.”

“I mean you could really say anything. How about, ‘like a broken clock’? Or no wait, like a heartbeat. Or like, I dunno, bird or something. They repeat, right?” Road suggested in despair. "I’m not typically an ideas guy. I know I’m not perfect, but, it’s not my fault I repeat–I repeat-I repeat–I repeat–I repeat–I repeat–I repeat–oh Goddammit.”

At press time, Abbey Road was comforted by two birds who had narrowly escaped one stone.

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