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Citing the tradition of students gathering on the Main Green to smoke marijuana on April 20th, University administrators are worried that 4/20 will lead to a drastic increase in positive vibes.
“We know that in years past, students have enjoyed gathering on 4/20 and getting higher than the Carrie Bell Tower," wrote vice president of campus life Eric Estes in an email to students. “Unfortunately, it’s no longer safe for us all to get high as balls together in person. To avoid a dangerous spike in positive vibes, we’re asking everyone to smoke down that sweet green mama in a safe, socially distant way.”
To stop students from gathering on the quad, the University will station vibe-killers on campus to narc on anyone who attempts to worship the ganja goddess.
“To protect everyone in the Brown community, instead of gathering on the Main Green to get baked this year, we encourage students to get absolutely zoinked to Jupiter within their small pods,” continued Estes, listing safe ways to celebrate 4/20 this year. “When passing that sticky icky smokage around, make sure to wipe down your glass bongs or pipes between each pod member’s lung-busting hocus-tokus. Instead of passing Js or blernts around, roll a fattie for everyone and get baked like a lemon bar.”
At press time, the University was still fine with large groups gathering to drink alcohol as long as the event took place in some rich kid’s off-campus house.
