Freshly supplied for the start of the school year, the Brown Bookstore is reportedly fully stocked with everything a die-hard Brown Squash fan could possibly need. “All we can do is hope we have enough for everyone,” said Brown Merchandise Coordinator Alabaster Mudge, neatly organizing hundreds of Brown Squash hats that will inevitably be purchased exclusively by family members of the team. “Last year we ordered a few too many, but I’ve been hearing this year is going to be a big squash year.” At press time, The Avon was stocked with every movie a die-hard boring movie fan could ever need.

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