Wednesday, April 14, 2021
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The Brown Noser

Brown Mailroom Spotify Playlist Closest Thing To Rager Freshman Has Ever Experienced

Published Friday, March 12th, 2021

Sources report that the Brown mailroom playlist is the closest thing to a rager that freshman Tyler Jenkins has ever experienced.

“It was a wild mid-afternoon,” said Jenkins, excitedly recounting the only approximation of a party now available. “The bouncer at the door was super intimidating. He made me wait until everyone inside was six feet apart before he asked me to swipe my Banner ID. I honestly wasn’t sure if he’d let me in.”

“When I finally got inside, the music was pounding,” exclaimed Jenkins with the unchecked glee of someone just excited to be out of their own dorm room. “They were playing ‘A Thousand Years’ by Christina Perri and I could practically feel the bass in my body. The energy was palpable, like everyone knew this thing was about to blow up.”

“When they started playing the new version of Taylor Swift’s ‘Love Story,’ I knew the party had really started,” declared Jenkins. “I could barely hear when they called my name because the acoustic guitar was pumping so hard. When I made up to the front, I signed my name for the package right as the beat dropped. I think even the mailroom guy got a little hype.”

At press time, Jenkins was heard bragging about getting carded at the library.

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