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The Brown Noser

Brown Market Share Just Eight Kinds Of Turnip

Published Friday, April 21st, 2017

Sources report that the weekly market share sold to community members this past Thursday consisted of just eight different kinds of turnip.

According to representatives from the Brown Market Share program, the cold New England winter makes root vegetables one of the only options for much of the second semester. “There just isn’t much else that can grow in April up here,” said coordinator Malik Nightly, quickly Googling ways to use up the eight pounds of turnip he was allotted from this week’s share. “Even in the winter, though, we try to serve the community with a wide array of different kinds of fresh, local, and sustainably harvested turnips.”

“Our program brings together community members and local farmers to provide a marketplace for a diverse selection of turnips, from hakureis to alltops. We’re proud of that,” Nightly finished.

Sources report that campus is buzzing with the new development. “Now this is why I went off meal-plan,” said Terry Profar ’17, grabbing handful after handful of differently colored turnips and shoving them in his reusable bag. “You just can’t get this number of delicious and exotic turnips at the Ratty. In fact, you can barely get any turnips at all!”

“Can’t wait for nearly all of these to slowly rot in my fridge over the rest of the semester,” he finished.

At press time, the Market Shares coordinators were swimming in a giant pit of turnips located underneath Hillel.

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