Partly Cloudy, 64°
Bright and early at Sunday morning mass in Manning Chapel, the campus priest is asking for donations from a bunch of college kids, despite the fact that the Brown-RISD Catholic Community literally bought themselves a multimillion-dollar modernist chateau two years ago.
“Alright you guys, this is the part of the mass when men come around with baskets attached to really long sticks, so if you have any cash, cough it up,” said the priest, as if the Brown-RISD Catholic Community hadn’t just spent millions of dollars purchasing a student center with a floating staircase, vaulted ceilings, and an outdoor fire pit. “What would Jesus do? Probably spot us a ten or maybe even a twenty. It depends on how Christ-like you’re feeling.”
Although the Brown-RISD Catholic Community has access to fundraising with over 250 alumni and Catholic adults with stable forms of income, they are still seeking donations from eighteen-year-old undergraduates.
“The Lord be with you, and your wallets too,” added the priest, acting like the BRCC’s light-based, architectural marvel didn't cost them four million dollars in 2021. “No worries if you don’t have cash though. Our Venmo is @BRCC123.”
At press time, the Brown-RISD Catholic Community was hoping that they had raised enough money to finally switch from store-brand communion wafers to organic ones.
