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The Brown Noser

Brown To Welcome Class of 2022 With Pair of Gloves, Increased Tuition

Published Friday, April 20th, 2018

Christina Paxson announced yesterday that Brown University was thrilled to welcome the incoming Class of 2022 with a pair of small, cotton gloves with the unrecognizable bear logo and a $10,000 increase in tuition.

“There’s no better way to show how excited we are about the diverse, bright young minds entering our institution than to send them a pair of gloves that they could reasonably buy for $5 on Amazon and to charge them more for an already obscenely expensive education,” explained Paxson, adding that she believes Admissions has really taken into account what the Brown community truly wants and needs. “Tawdry gifts with vague symbolic value and exorbitant debt is what it means to be part of the Brown community.”

“Who needs a sweatshirt or a 47 Brand hat?" reported an elated first-year after trying on the gloves. "These tiny little gloves are amazing and definitely representative of Brown’s fiscal resources! It was super generous of them to splurge on the ones you can text with.”

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