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In a horrifying scene out of Brown University this past week, Professor Segin of ENGL1700, Authors Of The Romance Era, expected his students to read the given material, formulate opinions about it, and write those opinions down in analytical essay format.
“When I read the syllabus which included all the authors we would be covering this semester, I was so excited,” said English Concentrator Ella Shacknai as she purchased twelve books that she would never open. “I mean, theoretically I love Henry James! But then Dr. Segin told us to read the first six chapters for Tuesday’s class. C’mon, what the Hell is that?” Shacknai asked as she opened her blank google doc titled “ESSAY FINAL”.
“It’s inhumane,” continued Shacknai as she briefly skimmed the last two chapters of Turn Of The Screw, “I know I study English and everything, but honestly, how can I be expected to read 100 pages? That’s like, 20 pages a day-oh God I think I’m gonna be fucking sick.”
At press time, Shacknai was upset that her Sparknotes inspired essay only received an A-.
