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Frightening his peers at Boris J. Mudd Middle School, bully Tommy Kline has acquired a thesaurus sources reported Wednesday.
“I thought it was bad before, but that was nothing,” said student Anjana Trivedi, clutching her books to her chest as her eyes darted nervously back and forth down the corridor. “Before he would just call me a nerd, but now I don’t know what to expect. Sometimes he calls me a dweeb, and other times he calls me a dork. Really keeps me on my toes.”
While most victims are still too afraid to come forward in fear of exposing themselves to the treasure chest of insults that Kline keeps in the back pocket of his jeans, those brave enough to actually eat lunch in the cafeteria or venture into the boys bathroom report that his new vocabulary has delivered an unprecedented hit to their self-esteem.
“Usually I’m just an idiot, but yesterday he said I was an imbecile,” said Nigel Accardo, a victim of Kline’s 11th grade level vocabulary. That means he took the time out of his life to look up all that word just so he could say it to me. I didn’t even do anything. Why does he hate me so much? What’s wrong with me?”
At press time, Kline could be heard mispronouncing the word “cretin.”
